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Life Coaching, Hawaiian Style — the Royal Lei podcast, with Alex and Jordan. New episodes every day.

Episode 2: Making Things Right: Hooponopono in a Real Coaching Conversation

About this episode

In the pilot, Alex and Jordan promised a deeper look at hooponopono — the Native Hawaiian practice of making things right — and this episode keeps that promise inside a real coaching conversation. Rather than treating hooponopono as four phrases to repeat, they return it to its roots in Native Hawaiian family practice, then walk step by step through what making things right actually looks like when a relationship has been strained: owning your own part without blame, clearing inwardly, choosing one concrete repair, and closing with care. Along the way they hold an important line — forgiveness is never forced, and sometimes the right repair is a boundary or a clean ending rather than a reunion.

 

Key points

• Hooponopono as making things right — from its Native Hawaiian family roots to the later solo practice.

• A real coaching conversation: owning your own part of a strained relationship, without blame.

• A five-step sequence: settle, name your part, clear inwardly, choose one concrete repair, close with care.

• Forgiveness is never forced — and repair can mean a boundary or a clean ending, not just reunion.

Transcript

Alex: Welcome back to Life Coaching, Hawaiian Style. Last time we talked about right relationship, and we left you with a promise. Today we go deeper into hooponopono, the practice of making things right, and we do it inside a real coaching conversation.

 

Jordan: I love that we are starting here, because hooponopono gets quoted a lot and practiced a little. People repeat four phrases and think they are done. But the older practice was much fuller than that, and much more honest.

 

Alex: Yes, and that is where we need to begin, with respect. Hooponopono comes from Native Hawaiian families and teachers. The word itself means to make right, to correct, to put things back into balance. In the traditional family practice, people gathered, often led by an elder or a healer, and they talked things through until the relationship was set right. It was prayer, honest discussion, confession, repentance, and mutual forgiveness, and it often ended with a shared meal as a sign that things were whole again.

 

Jordan: So it was never just a private mantra. It was relational. It was people sitting together and doing the hard work of repair.

 

Alex: Exactly. And that matters for coaching. The later solo form, adapted in the nineteen seventies by Morrnah Simeona, a Hawaiian healer, took that spirit into a practice one person can do alone. That is the version most people meet today, with four phrases. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Both forms belong to the same root, but they are not the same thing, and a good coach names that difference instead of blurring it.

 

Jordan: Let us bring this into a session, then. Picture a client, someone many of us will recognize. She comes in carrying a strained relationship with her sister. They have not really talked in months. Not one big blowup, just a slow drift, a few sharp words, a few missed calls, and now a heaviness every time the sister's name comes up.

 

Alex: And as a coach, my first job is not to fix the sister. My first job is to slow the conversation down. I might say, let us name what feels tangled here, without building a case against anyone. What part is yours to carry, and what part is not yours to carry?

 

Jordan: That question alone changes the room, does it not? Because most of us walk in wanting to be right, or wanting the other person to change first.

 

Alex: It does. And hooponopono, done well, starts with a different kind of responsibility. Not blame, and not taking responsibility for someone else's behavior. It is owning your own part. Your words, your silence, your assumptions, the story you have been telling yourself about what happened.

 

Jordan: So in the session, the coach might ask, what did you say, or not say, that you wish you could take back? And then just let the silence do its work.

 

Alex: Yes, and silence is part of the traditional practice too. When feelings ran high, the family would pause. They would rest. They would not force a resolution in the heat of the moment. A coach can borrow that wisdom. Pause. Breathe. Let the client feel what is true before she tries to say it perfectly.

 

Jordan: Then where do the four phrases fit? Because I know listeners who use them every morning, and listeners who feel awkward saying them at all.

 

Alex: Think of them as an inner clearing, not a performance. I am sorry names what you own. Please forgive me asks for release, from yourself as much as from anyone else. Thank you opens gratitude, even for a hard lesson. I love you restores connection, starting with your own heart. You can say them quietly, in your own words, for as long as they feel honest. If a phrase feels false today, say it more slowly, or sit with just one phrase. There is no required number of repetitions, and there is no prize for rushing through them.

 

Jordan: That feels important, especially for practitioners. This is not about bypassing the pain, or pretending everything is fine. It is about clearing your own inner ground so you can see the other person clearly again.

 

Alex: And then, and this is the step people often skip, hooponopono asks for action. Inner work alone is not repair. In our example, the client might realize she owes her sister a simple, honest message. Not a long explanation, not an apology that secretly asks to be forgiven on the spot, just a clear step. Something like, I miss you, and I am sorry for my part in the distance between us. I would like to talk when you are ready.

 

Jordan: That is so different from a grand gesture. It is small, it is respectful, and it leaves the other person free to respond in her own time.

 

Alex: Exactly. Repair cannot be forced. Forgiveness is never owed, and it is never a condition for your own healing. Sometimes the other person is not safe to contact, or not ready, or no longer in your life. Then the practice stays with you. You still clear your part, you still choose not to carry the story as a weapon, and you still take the next right step in your own life.

 

Jordan: I want to pause on that, because coaches hear this a lot. A client will ask, does making things right mean I have to go back to how things were? And the answer is no, is it not?

 

Alex: No, it is not. Making things right can mean a restored relationship, and it can also mean a clean ending, a boundary held with kindness, or a decision to stop repeating a pattern with someone new. Pono, rightness, is not the same as pretending nothing happened. It is balance returning, in whatever honest form it takes.

 

Jordan: So let us walk listeners through a simple coaching sequence they can actually use. What would you do, step by step, in a session?

 

Alex: First, settle. Take a few slow breaths, longer on the way out than on the way in, and bring one relationship or one moment to mind. Just one. Not your whole history, just one tangled thread.

 

Jordan: Second, name it plainly. What happened, in simple language, and what part is yours? No blaming, no defending, just the truth as you can see it today.

 

Alex: Third, clear it inwardly. Say the four phrases slowly, in your own way, and notice what softens. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Repeat them only as long as they feel true.

 

Jordan: Fourth, choose one concrete repair. One message, one conversation, one boundary, one apology, one changed habit. Small enough to actually do this week.

 

Alex: And fifth, close with care. In the old practice, people shared a meal. In coaching, the close can be simpler. A breath, a moment of gratitude, and a clear agreement about what happens next. Then you let it rest. You do not keep reopening a wound you have already tended.

 

Jordan: I like that the close is a practice, not a verdict. You do not walk out of a session cured. You walk out clearer, and with one step to take.

 

Alex: And one more caution for practitioners, because this matters. Hooponopono is a reflective and relational practice, not medical treatment. If a client is carrying deep trauma, or a health concern, a coach supports them and points them toward the right professional help. We do not promise healing, we do not diagnose, and we do not use a beautiful cultural practice as a shortcut around real care.

 

Jordan: That respect is part of the practice itself. We are guests in this tradition. We learn from Native Hawaiian teachers, we credit the source, we practice with humility, and we do not borrow the words as decoration for a brand.

 

Alex: Beautifully said. And when we do that, hooponopono becomes what it was always meant to be. Not a trick, not a slogan, but a way back to right relationship, with others and with ourselves.

 

Jordan: So here is our invitation for this week. Think of one relationship that feels a little tangled. Not the hardest one, just one you are ready to look at honestly. Try the sequence. Settle, name your part, clear it with the four phrases, and choose one small repair.

 

Alex: And notice what changes in you, even before anything changes between you and the other person. That inner shift is often where pono begins.

 

Jordan: Next time, we will keep walking this path, with a fresh angle from the Pua Ola values, and a new question for your own practice.

 

Alex: Until then, may your conversations be honest, your repairs be kind, and your relationships be set right, one small step at a time. Thank you for listening.

Episode 1: Right Relationship: Pono, Aloha, Lōkahi, and Mālama

Episode 1: Right Relationship — Pono, Aloha, Lōkahi, and Mālama · Published November 2, 2026 · About 4 minutes · With Alex and Jordan

 

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Welcome to the pilot episode of Life Coaching, Hawaiian Style, the Royal Lei podcast with Lenka John.

 

What actually makes coaching "Hawaiian style" — beyond putting the word aloha on a website? In this first episode, we explore four foundational Hawaiian values and turn them into one simple practice you can use on any Monday morning.

 

Pono is right relationship — the balanced, proper state of things in yourself, in your family, in your community, and with the land. Lōkahi is unity and harmony, pictured as a triangle of spirit, ʻāina (the land that feeds us), and people. Aloha is presence and breath — alo, being face to face, and ha, the breath of life — meeting another person, and yourself, with love and respect. And mālama is care in action: what you protect and nurture between the sessions, not just during them.

 

IN THIS EPISODE

• Pono — where is your life out of right relationship, and what would bring it back into balance?

• Lōkahi — which point of your triangle is asking for attention: spirit, place and body, or people?

• Aloha — meeting life present and breathing, instead of rushing past it

• Mālama — one act of care, protection, or nurture you will actually do this week